yesterday, my father turned 51. and i realized the truth about my life.
i called to let the folks know i was on the way. this was after i scrambled to get a greeting card and a gift certificate, since even the man himself doesn't know what he wants. this was at 5:30, with me hungry as hell and expecting dinner. so i'm already in the car and on the way, and dinner has been yanked out from underneath me.
"we're just gonna have cake and ice cream."
this is gay, my inner voice said to me. now i'm gonna get home late, hungry, barely with time to eat before playing in the big match of the week ([warp] lost huge, although we're still in good shape for the playoffs in a couple more weeks), and so i'll be up all night the night before the psat, arguably one of the most important things i can do to get into college.
so i arrive at the house, and my dad's car is gone. apparently he was off running errands, on his birthday, at the exact time i was supposed to come visit him. how cute.
i sat in the car for a moment, thinking about what would happen next. i'd walk straight into that house, and strike up a friendly conversation with a house full of total strangers, had it not been for the connection through my father.
my father had created a new life for himself. he didn't need my family. he didn't need my brother. or his family. and then i realized.. he doesn't need me.
and i don't need him. never have. never will.
needless to say, i did get home late, still hungry, ate my second sandwich of the day, watched my team lose miserably (later in the night we won another game, so all is good), and then was stuck up until like midnight.
and then i got a ridiculously high score on the psat. exact numbers we'll know in 6 weeks.
