In the 2004 election, I was a mad crazy hyperblogger sent from outer space to convince college campuses everywhere that everything the Republicans said was a lie, and you should STFU and vote Kerry because he wasn't part of that collective.I stand by my statements, but this time I'm a bit more relaxed, if only because the media circus is mostly on my side this time. So this time, I'm going to focus on one tee-tiny thing Bush screwed up on:Holidays.Bush proclaimed Jesus Day to be sometime in the spring, like March or somewhere around there. Patriot Day was proclaimed on 9/11 to rouse our support in the War on Eurasia (or was it Eastasia?). In both cases, Bush made a vital flaw in his calculations.In the case of Jesus Day, he neglected that Jesus Day already exists and is big enough to determine the fate of the American economy over the course of an entire fiscal year.In the case of Patriot Day, he failed to realize that war cannot be declared on nouns.Once elected president, I promise to rectify these missteps by proclaiming truly amazing holidays. No, no Pirate Day, no Ninja Day. Those who wish to pursue Pirate/Ninja Day or any variant thereof should go back to watching Napoleon Dynamite for the 90th time and continue to call their friends "broheim." I'll loan you my copy of Superbad if you just go away.Anyway. At the start of my epiphany, I was thinking we needed to give American holidays a touch of class. Enough days related to war, the military, or Christianity. We need something that's unabashedly American in the unhealthy-but-can't-resist kind of way. Like Miles Davis Day. That's just the kind of inspirational character America needs - genius, did great things, but flawed."Wait," said the other half of my near-schizophrenic inner monologue. "Didn't Miles Davis like, severely beat his women?"Well, that won't do. We're going for class here, and beating your lady is just not gentlemanly. One of those flaws that won't play out well in the political world.So, we're on to Coltrane. Like Miles, he was a genius, did great things, and was a flawed man - and, as a bonus for the super Christians, he found God! So they can enjoy that, and the rest of us can appreciate the whole body of Coltrane's work and contributions to culture and we can make a new holiday tradition out of drinking scotch on the rocks in dark rooms filled with that bittersweet alto sax sound.
