I haven't done any writing in a while, so here's an amusing incident from my Harvard visit on spring break:Inevitably, dinnertime rolled around, so Kathy walked me down to the local dining hall. Harvard dining is an interesting thing, because in essence every little block of 2-3 houses (small dorms) has its own cafeteria. They're decked out in dark wood with looooong rectangular tables, all perfectly arranged. It's really straight out of Harry Potter.But the thing about Harvard dining that's actually remarkable is that it simultaneously has the best and worst security in human history. Take note, Homeland Security kids.Best Security Ever: I walked in holding Fiona's ID for the sake of swiping in. As soon as I swipe, the machine not only beeps with error, but comes as close as a magstripe reader can actually come to screaming bloody murder. Out of absolutely nowhere, the Fat Cafeteria Nazi appears. For the uninitiated, Fat Cafeteria Nazi is always a short, extremely squatty woman above 40 years of age, with graying hair and doesn't so much walk as waddle. Every university cafeteria has one, and the Ivy League is no exception. Apparently, the screaming card reader had decided in its rage to spew out the error code for a repeated swipe - this ID had already been used for dinner that day and couldn't be used again. The Fat Cafeteria Nazi demanded I present ID, at which point a tall blonde boy hands over the ID which Nazi looks at to discover the picture of... a small, attractive Hong Kong girl. Fat Cafeteria Nazi (now glaring at me): This isn't you.
Me: You're right, it's not.Kathy reads how this is playing out quicker than Matt Leinart and steps in to apologize. She proceeds to explain how the ID belongs to her roommate, but I'm visiting from out of town and I'm just a simple hungry Texas boy and Kathy would be more than willing to pay double for the two of us to be able to have a quick dinner together. Fat Cafeteria Nazi agrees to the proposal, but just for good measure holds Fiona's ID hostage, just in case Kathy and I both were con men/women in cohorts with one another. This entire incident went down in the span of roughly 15 seconds. Unfortunately...Worst Security Ever: This dining hall doesn't have a choke point where you have to pay. You could have just as easily shown no ID, walked straight into the soda dispensers as if you had already been there and were going back for seconds, and thus gotten a completely free meal - even if you weren't a Harvard student.
Me: You're right, it's not.Kathy reads how this is playing out quicker than Matt Leinart and steps in to apologize. She proceeds to explain how the ID belongs to her roommate, but I'm visiting from out of town and I'm just a simple hungry Texas boy and Kathy would be more than willing to pay double for the two of us to be able to have a quick dinner together. Fat Cafeteria Nazi agrees to the proposal, but just for good measure holds Fiona's ID hostage, just in case Kathy and I both were con men/women in cohorts with one another. This entire incident went down in the span of roughly 15 seconds. Unfortunately...Worst Security Ever: This dining hall doesn't have a choke point where you have to pay. You could have just as easily shown no ID, walked straight into the soda dispensers as if you had already been there and were going back for seconds, and thus gotten a completely free meal - even if you weren't a Harvard student.