3 years ago, I was excited as all hell about coming to UT. The mere thought of my future and the unpredictability of my life as a collegian made me giggle like a schoolgirl. Now, this schoolboy is almost a school-man, and I feel old, somewhat grizzled, and eager to tell my war stories to the incoming freshmen floating around the Plan II office where I'm working now. 3 years ago I was at orientation, living on 3 hours' sleep each night because I was having just too much fun meeting tons of people, learning my way around campus, and staying up all night trying to learn everything I could from my new companion Kinsey. Now, 3 hours of sleep means I miss any and all committments I have the next day. But back then, I was fueled by giddiness at the thought of all this becoming my life - meeting smart people, cool/cute girls, getting some sense of direction. I certainly wasn't being fueled by the Jester food.Naturally, the "buzz" of being an upcoming college freshman wore off and was replaced by experience, drama with girls, and the monotony of class. I think if I had really stopped to think, I would have asked myself where I lost the plot. But just when those things had gotten their worst, I had something to change all that: Spain.Most people wander through life wondering what it'd be like if their lives were to change overnight. Mine did, and it was the most rewarding experience I've ever had. It was definitely a challenge - the language barrier was the least of my concerns - but after 5 weeks I wrote to myself about how proud I was to have come so far. I still remember how I felt when I was out with Mei Lan and Maria Jose on my last weekend - I was ecstatic. It's only been a year, but I've tried to restructure my life to get that experience as much as I can. It's comforting to have the memory of having been through everything I went through over there and come out OK - it gives a lot of confidence - but I feel like I lost that extra something I gained when I was over there, a sort of sense of deep, near-spiritual invulnerability.So this summer I headed back to Austin, in search of that same sense of giddiness I had 3 summers ago. Between surviving on fast food and spending evenings with friends just like it were any other school weekend, I didn't quite find it. Now I know, more in my head than my heart, that it's going to take me leaving the country again to recapture that ecstasy. Another new place, with more new people. This Christmas, I'll be getting a test of everything I learned last time, to see how well I retained it. I won't be coming home to a-town over the holidays, but instead I'll be in sunny Tokyo, probably for the entirety of the break from school. This time, the language will be much harder, and so will the food. Thankfully, I'll have a bit of backup from my friends in JA, but that's all the help I get. No professors or host families this time around. Almost makes me giddy just to think about it.