About 2 months ago it was early May and I felt that I'd have a really, really hard time leaving Austin. The whole tearing-up-on-the-way-out-of-town thing was a pretty sure thing in my future. There'd be thousands of words to write on my recollections and where they'll take me and all the ways they'd stay with me.Now it's the week where I leave Austin for a very long time, if not forever, and I don't feel quite so bad about it. In fact, it's almost a relief.When Mos Def referred to it as 'the thrilling beginning, the quiet finale' he was singing (yes, singing) about 'lifetime' - not the rape-survivor-movie channel, but the idea of a lifetime. Yet, the last 4 years of mine form a sort of self-contained lifetime of their own. I was definitely thrilled to be starting it. UT Orientation meant new friends, infinite possibilities, and a chance to reshape myself. The thrill left me sleeping 2-3 hours a night and running all day on pure adrenaline, no problem. You could feel the excitement in my writing from June 2003. Now the mere thought of anything less than 8 hours of sleep is horrifying. My heartrate picks up a couple beats with the memory of the stress that came along with the sleep deprivation I suffered my senior year. It's quickly becoming apparent to me that I have a pretty serious problem with caffeine, too - I have pretty hardcore withdrawals and if I'm given a glass of iced tea at a restaurant I'll just chug it, unsweetened, racking up 7 or 8 free refills. Please, my heart begs the rest of my body, give me some peace and quiet without all these caffeinated fuckers coming along and spicing up my day. And dear lord, save me the thought of drinking with Adam and Mikey and Patrick anytime soon. Not that I don't love my former roomies - but drinking another 12 gin & juices in a night just doesn't sound as exciting when I could be in the New York Bar drinking one glass of awesome Scotch for the same price. I'll miss the hilarity of those guys, but I won't miss the cheap liquor that cheapens the times I've had with those guys.That's not to say it's easy to walk away from other people, either, but the process is helped by how gradual it all is. This time around I'll be saying a few final goodbyes to people I hold very near and dear, but I've already bade farewell to most of my 'extended family' at things like P2 graduation and JA's numerous goodbye parties. People have already started scattering, and I'm just one of a million scatterers that everyone knows going through this graduation thing. My Facebook friends list shows 482 friends at UT. I probably knew half of them by the time the first month of school was over. On the way out, I have plans to see roughly 5 people. Thrilling beginning and quiet finale, indeed.