Two weeks ago I would have perfectly associated with the song of the same name. After a few days of pure confusion, I realized what it was: challenge. So much for being able to associate myself with that song. There was no major pressing challenge in my life. With school done with, I had nothing sitting in the back of my mind putting on just that tiny bit of pressure that usually keeps me going.
So then along came the stress associated with the death of my grandmother. Given the context, it's wrong to say this, but it was an adrenaline rush having to think and live at a hundred miles an hour. There's the challenge, and so my balance was restored.
Life's even better now with a little success with the opposite sex. I lived a little adventurously for a while, so that need's been fulfilled. Yet where I thought the gap was filled, I've come to realize it isn't. Maybe I'm waiting for more than a little success with the opposite sex. Maybe something more along the lines of a typical happy relationship. That's my best guess.
If I look at myself from the outside, I'm happy as hell to look around and realize where I am. I just feel unsettled, like it's impossible to be comfortable. I haven't been mellowed for a very long period of time since summer began. I finally realized that living life without enough sleep and trip-hop music was meditation for me. It kept me sane, it keps my brain firing on all its pistons, and that's why I'm starting to really look forward to school. Yes, even the work part of it.
Once again, it looks like all the answers to my questions are hidden somewhere in Austin.