blakerson.com

My desire to walk has more selfish motivations than green ones, but I have had the whole 'green' thing on the brain lately.

For one, my stock-market-tanked-so-lets-get-investing money is thinking green. I imagine that a few entrepreneurs will start offering green electricity and that the suppliers of that infrastructure (solar panels, etc.) will become their own market sector for the first time. After that there will be more green industries for water, building and remodeling, industrial consulting, and anything else that Prez Obama might have the wisdom to subsidize in order to jump-start this big goal of his. I'm betting that some big player will emerge overnight with a glorious IPO and Jim Cramer will tell everyone to buy it the day after it jumps 500%.

I've thought about getting myself in on the ground floor, too. A lot of the schools I'm applying to offer Environmental Policy or something or other, which combined with a mild business education may be just the ticket into this little industry.

I never saw myself declaring a major in something labeled Environmental - much less as a grad student - but my huge nerdiness for technology somehow got funneled into thinking all this stuff is way cool.

I've waited a while to mention it, since some Internet Detective-type users might've followed me as I exited the game site Shacknews. And in case any of them are reading now, I won't say anything about it here, but I've explained what's up to most of the people I talk to regularly.

My time there taught me a lot - namely, that being a professional blogger, specifically a "video game journalist," is just digital blue-collar work. It's not journalism, it's an extension of the cottage industry for video game PR. There's nothing professional, much less glorious, about "informing" the masses of Internet users who strive to be uninformed.

In short, it's not a dream job for the ambitious and it's really turned me off of the 'net in general, and I spend less time online than I did before. I'm more productive, just because my shiny new iGoogle homepage gets me my info much faster so I'm not surfing aimlessly.

So what to do with this newfound time and distaste for YouTube commenters?

Enter grad school.

I was finally convinced to give it a shot after years of hesitation on my part due to a fear that I'd get boxed into some mundane, super-specific kind of study and wind up living out my days being the world's leading expert on Japanese Economic Inflation From 1951 to 1953.

Thankfully, International Relations saves me from that pain, and lets me flex my cerebral muscles based on the skills I picked up in school - foreign languages, writing, people skills, and generally being a flexible kind of guy.

While part of me still mildly fears joining the rat race - as opposed to doing something dramatic and risky, like funding my own video game or TV show or suddenly becoming a musician - I've been convinced that taking the IR route through grad school will let me do real, ambition-satisfying work that I don't dread when I wake up in the morning.

And that dread is a serious issue - I've seen it take a serious toll on my mom over the years, and it instilled in me a deep distrust of work and of bosses.

It's indicative of a larger trend, the whole twenty-something issue with getting over graduating from college and resorting to The Rat Race.

But I think the biggest transition I might face is going from more self-centered to less so. I don't mean in a sense of charity or niceness to others, though I do hope to work on all that. No, I mean that our primary motivations shift from self to others. I suspect that many are forced to confront it at some point - "Oh, you got her knocked up? Time to quit the band and get a job. And a marriage license." Others, on the other hand, might consciously choose the time to make the shift, and perhaps they're better off for it.

My friend Lisa put it this way:

I have lately been thinking that the most important thing for me, rather than trying to be a famous concert pianist (which isn't really my dream anymore anyways), is to have my own loving family and to raise a child. then i would think about my own life. Is that bad?

I definitely don't want to be a famous video game writer anymore. And I'm still ambitious as hell - I'm applying to tough grad schools, and I like Type A women - but I had a taste of a simpler life in Japan, where I was a more generous and easy-to-please person, and it wasn't all bad. There's a lot of that life that may come back to me in several years, and I'm not afraid of that.

It's quite the experience to return to Seattle after roughly a decade or more.

I came here several times as a kid, as my dad's best friend from college lived up here. I barely remember the experience of being here, much less knowing what to look for in a city, but strangely enough I had a lot of things feel familiar upon my return.

First thing I noticed - the scent of Seattle is etched in my brain. I didn't even know it was. But whatever gives this city its unique air - I guess it's the pine - is very well known to my nose, much to my surprise.

I'm actually out in Bellevue, the northern suburb on the way to Redmond, but this town is so technological that it's got its own downtown section full of office towers. I'm in the midst of that, but on the way here I got just a taste of the 'industrial' version of Seattle - somehow it's nicer than other cities. Old, but well-preserved.

Holy mooooooly, there are tons of Starbucks here. It's like the Louis Black routine, except in real life and on every block.

I'm in Bellevue to visit Valve, the guys who made Half-Life. I'm previewing their new zombie-themed shooter Left 4 Dead, and it's entirely sweet. Highly recommended. They like to splurge on game journalists, so it's a snazzy hotel with corner suites and room service and all that jazz. I'm just happy the internet access works.

I could make this a post about how I'm 'living the dream' - traveling on company dimes, playing games for a living, etc. But my life isn't really that. It's just writing about games all day. That said, I do love my job and I think that, more than the gaming part of the equation, is reason to be proud. It's a job that fits me perfectly, and I'm happy to have found that and have snagged the job after just one year out of school.

It makes for an awkward conversation on flights sitting next to strangers. The "what do you do?" conversation starts with some blah job that somebody else does and ends in me having this perfectly fitting, awesome job I'm satisfied with. I'm afraid of it being a depressing thing for most people, because I can't relate on the "work sucks" angle.

I just hope it inspires someone. After all, it was my mom's own Office Space-like work situation that made me commit to doing something I enjoyed everyday.

Well, in all fairness I've been back for two weeks. This weekend marks 4 weeks of being done with my JET work and moving on to new stuff. Two of those were a fantastic vacation all across Japan, with friends American and Japanese, culminating in a last night here, and I've spent the last two reacclimating to life in the States.

I've already gained a little bit of weight - thanks a lot, American food - but I've also gained a lot more.

My big "reverse culture shock" moment came and went while I was still on a layover in LAX. Creepy greasy-haired LA motherfucker posing as a missionary tried to get me to follow him out the airport, when I had an inkling feeling I was very near my connecting gate. I was. Rip-off exchange rates mean I'm still carrying $90 in yen. The pizza was horrible, but pizza has since redeemed itself with my taste buds.

I've moved into 'home' - that is, mom's house. And honestly, it feels fantastic. Mom and I are two highly symbiotic creatures, moreso now that she's quit her job and gone into semi-retirement. She's getting more relaxed by the day, and she's quickly gotten used to having me around again.

I'm also working from home! This is the big part. I'm the newest writer at Shacknews.com, one of the big video game news sites. It's a great gig for all of these reasons:

-I work from home
-I semi-set my own hours: I work 11am to 7pm right now
-No dress code (my hair already has some fireball red streaks in it)
-Shacknews is a community I was already part of anyway; it's good to contribute to it
-It's a salaried, regular job - no freelance pitching, regular paychecks, and many other things that make other writers jealous
-Air-conditioned workplace (last place didn't have that..)
-Co-workers that speak techie, know games, and can take some smack talk

And above all:
-I'm doing what I've always wanted to do - I write for a living, and I'm in the video games industry.

Usually, I'm humble when it comes to things like achievement, but I've been way too happy with myself to be humble on this one. This really is what I've wanted to do for a very, very long time, and to achieve that goal is intensely satisfying.

I got the offer a little over a week ago (yes, 5 days after getting home), and I've now worked a week at the job. It's a little tiring to sit at the desk all day, but other than that it's everything I've wanted from a job and I certainly don't see myself wanting to leave anytime soon.

As soon as I got the offer, I caved, rushed out, and got myself an iPhone. As a techie, it's the only phone worth taking seriously. No, really. (Tip: add yourself on your family's plan and pay $40 a month instead of $70.) I've got a new phone number, so I hope you visit my Facebook profile and add me and all that good stuff.

More importantly, I've also gained a new appreciation for my family. I'm off to visit my brother (and my new niece!) this weekend, and I've already been in contact with a couple other relatives. And obviously, it's nice to have my mother's sanity return.

And next week is a 4-day work week! From here I'm working on visits to Dallas proper (I'm way out in the burbs) and Austin (of course). Here's to seeing you soon!

I apologize, dear snagger.org. I've left you feeling lonely for far too long. As one other teacher in my town put it, "It's a long winter."

Of course, he said that in reference to his womanizing advice on how to "keep warm" in multiple senses of the word. Truth is, at the root of it, it has been a long winter here. And the 10 weeks or so that filled up the bulk of winter damn near drove me insane.

As it happens, my region of Japan is split into two smaller areas: the San-In (san-een) and San-Yo coasts. In both cases, San means 'mountain.' They're different in that 'in' means 'darkness' and 'yo' means 'sunlight.' Guess which one I live in?

Hint: I admit I'm a bit of a hypochondriac at times, but I definitely had a basis for dianosing myself with Seasonal Affective Disorder by the end of February.

Spring is slowly coming to my area, which means the permanent dull grey of winter has been replaced with mere haze through which the sun still barely shines. But before spring fully springs, I had to be taught a small lesson about where I live:

There was a TV special a few days ago about Shimane prefecture (where I live) being the worst in Japan. And there's plenty of reasons why: lowest population density, no youth, no money, an agricultural economy, widespread poverty, the aforementioned 'darkness,' and the list truly went on.

By the time I saw this special, I had made up my mind: I was coming home. I spent the month of February in a panic about what to do next - where to live, what jobs to go after, what to pursue next. I'm the planning type, and the uncertainty caused enough stress to give me an ulcer. No, really, an ulcer.

So, as it stands, I'll be moving home at the start of August, with a teaching position closer to Tokyo as a fallback in case I can't get myself a job stateside. See you kids in summer - and I'll do everything I can to write again before then.