@Twitter:

You're so overrated.

Let me list your legit uses:

1. Keeping track of people during large events (like SxSW)
2. Keeping track of people during catastrophic emergencies (like natural disasters)
3. Promoting your cause if you're an activist (like Al Gore) or a performer (like your buddy who's a musician or DJ).

Now let me list the really lame reasons people actually use you:

1. To have actual conversations with friends (What?! We have phones and texting, people, how are @replies any better?)
2. As a source of news for CNN (Impending apocalypse and collapse of the American empire? Heeeeeeeeeeere's yer sign.)
3. To shill new blog entries (If your blog's that interesting, I read it.)
4. To try (and fail) to be witty using 140 characters. (The extremely witty John Mayer is exempt from this complaint.)
5. To announce one's drunkenness between 1:00 and 3:00AM. (We know.)

And to top it off, you've got a whole stack of problems:

1. My shrink dad had suicidal patients that were more stable.
2. When you're actually online, you've still got bugs like phantom follower requests.
3. I get worthless follower requests from organizations and anonymous individuals in which I have no interest whatsoever. Shouldn't this legally constitute spam?

So, with all of the above points in mind, I'm abandoning you. I'll leave my account active, and I'll probably confirm follower requests, but I'm stopping the updates, removing the iPhone app, and removing it from my favorites.

We're done, and I hope the world eventually realizes that the Twitter plague is infinitely more dangerous to society than #swine_flu.
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