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Coldplay - X&Y: I finally got around to listening to Coldplay's new album, X&Y, on the way to Austin on Friday - but only after I tired of listening to Jamiroquai's Dynamite about 5 times continuously. Never before have I been so disappointed by a major-label, superstar-level band releasing a third major-label album. I should have been alert that Friday afternoon - it was a short drive to Round Rock and all the caffeine and Jamiroquai had me in a fantastic mood. Then, after passing Waco, I put on X&Y.

What a mistake.

After the truly emotive Parachutes album and the truly Coldplay-sounding Rush of Blood to the Head, I expected something between the two. What I got, as Maddox so eloquently puts it, is the soundtrack to a coma. I'd like to nominate this album's 12 tracks for the '12 worst songs of 2005' award - and I wouldn't be surprised if the Che-worshipping everything-hater gave this album the honor himself. This entire album sounds, from start to finish, uniformly uninspired, unartistic, unambitious, and entirely like a clever U2 knock-off. And yes, listening to this album on the road was a mistake - my state of alertness faded to drowsiness after a mere third of this album to the point where the textured lane and shoulder markers were jolting me back to consciousness. This should not happen to a young driver in good physical health.

First I hated Coldplay for the annoyance that was Yellow. Then I liked them for their non-annoying, unique Rush of Blood. Then I fell in love with them for discovering the rest of Parachutes and finding a powerful song underneath a very restrained, relaxed sound. Now, I'm fed up with them for cranking out a bunch of loud nothingness 12 times over and calling it one of the most important albums of the year. Guess what, Coldplay: we did loud nothingness 15 years ago; it was called grunge. And U2 did your 'new sound' 20 years ago. Now get back in the studio and *stay there* for a good 3 or 4 years before you try anything again.

Telepopmusik - Angel Milk: The second candidate for 'album of the year' in as many weeks. I'm overjoyed and almost overwhelmed by the musical goodness I've encountered in the last two weeks, thanks to this album from the electronically-inclined French trio. Most people who know Telepopmusik know it from the Mitsubishi commercial that ran 3 years ago that used the song "Breathe." The rest of the album was, well, a bit different. Ambient in places, jazzy in others, hip-hoppish still in others; 'Genetic World' was an album that had something for everyone who ever fancied anything so long as it came with a twist of eccentricity. This album takes Genetic World and makes it, oh, 10 times better. It's missing a major club hit like Breathe, but what you get in exchange is a retooling of the trademark 'tpm' sound that's more electronic, more jazzy, without the hip-hop, and much more pleasing to the ear.

Do you miss the awesomeness that was Breathe? Listen to 'Into Everything,' the new album's lead-off single. It's cut from the same cookie cutter that Breathe was, but it's still not going to be heard in any of the big clubs you visit. But for a mellowing sound that still strangely gets your heart pumping, it'll calm your senses but tense your adrenal glands. But for the real treat, skip back a track to the third one, 'Anyway.' It still uses all the same electronics that tpm has always used, but its chord progression is much more like a chilled jazz tune. From there you'll find lots of Billie Holliday-esque vocals, plenty of awkward chords and a sound that always leaves you more relaxed than when you started listening.

More essential tracks: Don't Look Back, Stop Running Away. But really, you'd be selling yourself short by not getting the whole album. It'd be like doing a half-session of therapy and quitting before you're truly better. And you will be a better person for listening to Angel Milk. Somehow your blood pressure drops, problems melt with each passing chord, and the club-styled electronics make you feel alive and alert. Who needs psychotherapy - or psychotropics - when there's Angel Milk?

My good buddy, fellow Austinite and occasional Halo clanmate Small Paul (who will be linked when he can decide on which site to use) pasted a profile done by faceanalyzer.com and it was shockingly accurate. Mine was too:

Race Analysis

27% Eastern European
13% Southern European
60% Anglo Saxon
0% East Indian
0% Middle Eastern
0% South East Asian
0% Korean/Japanese
0% Chinese

Gender: MALE
Personality Profile
Intelligence 6.9 Very Intelligent
Risk 4.3 Low Risk
Ambition 6.5 High Ambition
Gay Factor 1.7 Very Low Gay Factor
Honor 4.0 Average Honor
Politeness 5.6 Average Politeness
Income 6.3 $30,000 - $50,000
Sociability 6.1 Average Sociability
Promiscuity 3.0 Low Promiscuity

YOUR ARCHETYPE: Alpha Charmer

Personality Profile:

You have social courage and as a consequence are open and extroverted. You are seen as a well known person who is liked and is involved in many social events. You feel confident about your position in social situations and will not hesitate to say what you believe. You do not like too much responsibility, but you do not mind being in the social center. You must know everything that is going on in your greater social circle and spend a lot of time talking to others to find out the latest gossip. You tend to be friendly, but can be criticizing when you see others as thinking of themselves too much.

You prefer to work in challenging people oriented jobs where you can compete against others and rise in the ranks. Others usually like you but can sometimes be intimidated by your outspoken comments and criticisms although they do not show it.
People tend to feel comfortable around you and respect your opinion. You can use this social weight to get things done for you but usually opt not to call in favours people owe you.

Your view of other types
You tend to like Boss types and try to get close to them, as they possess the intimidating factor and confrontational attitude that you lack. You regard Academic Types as mostly withdrawn from life and too uppity to interact with. You associate with some Blue collar and White collar types, and find that these are the people that mostly want to hang around you. You see Artist types as attention seekers and are often the person to criticize them. For this reason, Artist types envy and fear you. You may enjoy the risk taking personality of Gambler types, but you also think that they are loners. You see Drifter types as social dropouts.

Other types' view of you
Boss types like you but they dont always trust you. Academic Types have very little in common with you, therefore they avoid you. Artist types tend to avoid you because you may attack them verbally due to their personality differences. White and Blue collar types like interacting with you, and they sometimes envy your charisma. Gambler types may deal with you if they think that you have something useful to offer them. Drifter types may associate with you, but they generally believe that your archetype is stuck up.

Alpha Charmer (that's me):
-More ambitious than Charmer
Expected Occupations: Corporate Executive, Real Estate Agent, Politician

Charmer:
-More fun-loving than Alpha Charmer
Expected Occupations: Sales representative, Teacher, Aesthetician, Hair Stylist, Artist, Actor, Social Worker, Manager

My take on it: Better than any personality test or astrology site, that's for sure. The only thing I see as inaccurate is the emphasis on how social I am - I am, as it says, very social, open and openly critical, but I've also got a decent amount of the Academic type in me, and as such I actually like them a lot. But for what it's worth, give it a shot.

Click the link on the right to BS, for there's an interesting new tidbit that explains a trend I find disturbing.

Machinima (a combination of machine + cinema) is a word from back in the day, when game modders hacked demo files to create little movies. After the Quake2 era, they sort of fell by the wayside after demo files weren't editable anymore. Luckily for them, Valve has brought it back! Go watch A Few Good G-Men right now for a fantastic example of Valve's 'digital actors' technology - it pays good homage to Aaron Sorkin.

Jamiroquai - Dynamite: At last, after 4 long, long years, we have a new album from Jay Kay and Co. These 4 years have been plenty of time for the group to explore some new avenues in the music, and the result is a 'New Jamiroquai' kind of sound that's revolutionary just like the new sound they had for 2001's Synkronized. Old-school faithfuls might be disappointed, but I just can't stop grooving to this album. It's wilder, louder, and in places less funky but the increased craziness makes up for it. There's sadly few other ways to describe it. There's something here to please everyone, because the album is divided as follows:

First 3 tracks: no-holds-barred, brand-new Jamiroquai sound. It's loud but unmistakably the voice of JK, even if a little different. The 'Feels Like It Should' single leads off, and it's honestly probably the weakest track on the album. Don't let it turn you off the album, because the title track follows and it's easily one of the best. 'Seven Days in Sunny June' is a teaser of old-school Jamiroquai, right before you get slapped in the face with 'Electric Mistress,' the embodiment of NeoJamiroquai. It's an 80s-infested, fast-paced, loud monster of a song, and it kicks ass. If you don't like this song, there's not much hope for you.

The next 3 tracks: A peaceful, funky return to Jamiroquai as its old fans know it. They're not worth writing home about but they're still extremely good tracks.

The last 5 tracks: Back to NeoJamiroquai. '(Don't) Give Hate a Chance' is a funkier tune reminiscent of Electric Mistress. 'World That He Wants' slows it down and shows a more serious side of the new band, but the next two tracks pick it up just in time to leave you with 'Time Won't Wait,' the badass, loud, new-sound kind of closing track.

Conclusion: As soon as this album comes out in the US on iTunes, I'm buying it. With money. It's seriously *that* good. In fact, it's the best album I've listened to since Room for Squares. And that came out quite some time ago. If you like Jamiroquai, get this album and love it. If you've never listened to the swingin' sounds of Jay Kay but happen to like some of the stuff I spin, get this album and enjoy it.

Coldplay - X&Y: Haven't gotten around to it yet. Jamiroquai's album is too good.