as of wednesday morning, my gameroom will have a couch. it's swank, *and* comfy. 
here's a story about a writer named me. so i submitted my own story, about a blonde, to calliope. i was one of the year's short-story editors. somehow, my story was tragically not published. it was either karie or that tambre sullivan who was responsible for this inexcusable mistake.
karie is far too cool to pass up one of my stories, even if it sucks.
so here, for your pleasure, is the entirety of the blonde: � The blonde stepped out of the doors of her school and into her
picturesque world.� Talking to her friends, Washington High stood behind her,
towering over the crowd of kids just like it did every day.� They were talking
about usual teenage girl things - namely a mix of boys and sex, with the occasional
pop culture topic thrown in for good measure.� The blonde, with her red lips
giving off a blinding reflection of the sun, was the center of the conversation
just like she was every day.� While she talked for the purpose of making her
friends jealous of her and her �wonderful� boyfriend (who was nearly three years
older than she), in her head she thought back to that beautiful summer night
that had meant so much to her.�
All was good for the blonde.� She had everything a teenage girl
like her could want.� Friends.� Boyfriends.� Looks.� Popularity.� Well, not
so much the looks, because she just couldn�t quite get herself skinny enough
to land that modeling contract which a young man had offered her a month ago
alongside an invitation to a party at a place �just outside of town� that she
had never heard of before.
Then she had a dilemma.� A truly, seriously, heart-breaking, hair-pulling,
overly-stressing dilemma.� Amanda, that girl who she always suspected was the
one spreading rumors about her behind her back, said she had gotten fat.� The
poor blonde was crushed.� All the self-esteem and makeup in the world couldn�t
restore her dignity at that moment.
Lucky for her, it was only that moment, and not the rest of her
life that was wrecked like she originally thought.
Wiping off the tears and smeared eye shadow, the blonde walked
home alone that day.� Leaves showered down on her, and her face, still red from
crying, blended in among the autumn trees, all in the kind of scenery one can
only find in the movies.� A school bus passed by.� She didn�t even look up when
the junior high boys called at her from the bus as it sped off into the distance.�
She stopped for a moment and tried her best to look at herself from the outside
in.� The blonde couldn�t understand why the junior high boys would even do such
a thing because she was so disgustingly overweight.� She couldn�t understand
why she was still crying.�
It was all because she became fat.
There she was, weak, vulnerable, and alone.� The thought of being
robbed or abducted had never crossed her mind whenever she took this way home.
Lucky for her, she lived in a picturesque world.�
Then she remembered her wonderful boyfriend.� He would cheer her
up � after all, it was his job as a good boyfriend.� She promptly took a detour
off her favorite route and walked the extra distance to her boyfriend�s apartment.�
The brisk breeze, together with the thought of the warmth of her boyfriend (who
she loved very dearly) changed the red in her face from a tone of sadness to
one of confidence despite being hit in the face with a cold wind and a few leaves.
Then the blonde�s life took a very unexpected turn.
She reached her boyfriend�s apartment to find a large yellow truck
parked in front of it with �Apartment Movers� printed on the side in bold blue
letters.� Her heart jumped with panic.� There was no way this could happen.�
Not on a day like this.� She raced inside the boy�s apartment and found that
he had entirely disappeared.� The pictures that had adorned the walls were gone,
leaving bright spots in the wall�s off-white color.� Those pictures had told
their complete story as a couple, and then disappeared in a New York minute.�
The hook sat on the ceiling where his parakeet�s cage once hanged.� Max was
the funniest bird she had ever met.� There was no note stuck to his refrigerator,
which itself was emptier than usual.� The countertops were empty.� Suddenly,
two bulky men walked by with the headboard of her boyfriend�s bed.� Desperate,
she dashed into his bedroom, the one place where her life had changed more than
anywhere else on the face of the Earth.
He wasn�t there.� The room was empty, save a couple of sealed boxes.� The blonde
had no clue what was in them, but she had a feeling that she would miss what
was in them anyway.�
Her boyfriend was gone.� And that�s when she realized what had
really happened.� What her friends had said behind her back.� Everything suddenly
hit her like the bottom of a bad roller coaster.� She knew why she had become
so fat after spending that magical night in his room.� He had betrayed her and
left no sign of it.�
It was all because she became fat.
so here, for your pleasure, is the entirety of the blonde: � The blonde stepped out of the doors of her school and into her
picturesque world.� Talking to her friends, Washington High stood behind her,
towering over the crowd of kids just like it did every day.� They were talking
about usual teenage girl things - namely a mix of boys and sex, with the occasional
pop culture topic thrown in for good measure.� The blonde, with her red lips
giving off a blinding reflection of the sun, was the center of the conversation
just like she was every day.� While she talked for the purpose of making her
friends jealous of her and her �wonderful� boyfriend (who was nearly three years
older than she), in her head she thought back to that beautiful summer night
that had meant so much to her.�
All was good for the blonde.� She had everything a teenage girl
like her could want.� Friends.� Boyfriends.� Looks.� Popularity.� Well, not
so much the looks, because she just couldn�t quite get herself skinny enough
to land that modeling contract which a young man had offered her a month ago
alongside an invitation to a party at a place �just outside of town� that she
had never heard of before.
Then she had a dilemma.� A truly, seriously, heart-breaking, hair-pulling,
overly-stressing dilemma.� Amanda, that girl who she always suspected was the
one spreading rumors about her behind her back, said she had gotten fat.� The
poor blonde was crushed.� All the self-esteem and makeup in the world couldn�t
restore her dignity at that moment.
Lucky for her, it was only that moment, and not the rest of her
life that was wrecked like she originally thought.
Wiping off the tears and smeared eye shadow, the blonde walked
home alone that day.� Leaves showered down on her, and her face, still red from
crying, blended in among the autumn trees, all in the kind of scenery one can
only find in the movies.� A school bus passed by.� She didn�t even look up when
the junior high boys called at her from the bus as it sped off into the distance.�
She stopped for a moment and tried her best to look at herself from the outside
in.� The blonde couldn�t understand why the junior high boys would even do such
a thing because she was so disgustingly overweight.� She couldn�t understand
why she was still crying.�
It was all because she became fat.
There she was, weak, vulnerable, and alone.� The thought of being
robbed or abducted had never crossed her mind whenever she took this way home.
Lucky for her, she lived in a picturesque world.�
Then she remembered her wonderful boyfriend.� He would cheer her
up � after all, it was his job as a good boyfriend.� She promptly took a detour
off her favorite route and walked the extra distance to her boyfriend�s apartment.�
The brisk breeze, together with the thought of the warmth of her boyfriend (who
she loved very dearly) changed the red in her face from a tone of sadness to
one of confidence despite being hit in the face with a cold wind and a few leaves.
Then the blonde�s life took a very unexpected turn.
She reached her boyfriend�s apartment to find a large yellow truck
parked in front of it with �Apartment Movers� printed on the side in bold blue
letters.� Her heart jumped with panic.� There was no way this could happen.�
Not on a day like this.� She raced inside the boy�s apartment and found that
he had entirely disappeared.� The pictures that had adorned the walls were gone,
leaving bright spots in the wall�s off-white color.� Those pictures had told
their complete story as a couple, and then disappeared in a New York minute.�
The hook sat on the ceiling where his parakeet�s cage once hanged.� Max was
the funniest bird she had ever met.� There was no note stuck to his refrigerator,
which itself was emptier than usual.� The countertops were empty.� Suddenly,
two bulky men walked by with the headboard of her boyfriend�s bed.� Desperate,
she dashed into his bedroom, the one place where her life had changed more than
anywhere else on the face of the Earth.
He wasn�t there.� The room was empty, save a couple of sealed boxes.� The blonde
had no clue what was in them, but she had a feeling that she would miss what
was in them anyway.�
Her boyfriend was gone.� And that�s when she realized what had
really happened.� What her friends had said behind her back.� Everything suddenly
hit her like the bottom of a bad roller coaster.� She knew why she had become
so fat after spending that magical night in his room.� He had betrayed her and
left no sign of it.�
It was all because she became fat.
so i talked to the boss today, aka eric's dad. apparently they're glad i'm coming aboard since starbucks hired them to make some online games that simultaneously educate their employees about their retirements - while they waste them away playing ripoffs of pong or pacman, thanks to me.
done with school, just a measly half-day and finals left. today was awards ceremony, which is some of the best fun i've had in school all year long. the cheering and hollering for syed's record-breaking 8 awards was absolutely hilarious. i may have only gone up there amidst the applause and occasional 'woo!' twice, but i felt honored to be sitting between syed, philip, and joanne. and i still do feel honored to be considered their contemporary. at times it feels surreal to be me; people go on and on that i'm smart, this and that, but i still can't seem to understand what life would be like if my brain were any different.
"so," a mysterious voice begins, "take what you have and be happy."
"i am," i say back, every time.
and yet, reality never seems to take hold. but there i sit, among syed and philip and joanne. i tell the truth when i say to myself that i'm happy with my position, i just don't understand why.
in honor of all the kids who thought this was funny, i give you, the return of the illiterate bear: [image on old website]
in honor of all the kids who thought this was funny, i give you, the return of the illiterate bear: [image on old website]
Habib 3379: a girlscout or something just came in with some weirdass candy and asked if we would like to buy some to help her on her canada trip
Habib 3379: first of all
Habib 3379: I just had 2 candy bars
Habib 3379: second
Habib 3379: I will not support someone going to canada haw.
Habib 3379: first of all
Habib 3379: I just had 2 candy bars
Habib 3379: second
Habib 3379: I will not support someone going to canada haw.
see the song i'm spinning. it completely owns.
also, for people who are broadband-empowered: go find 'triumph the insult comic dog - star wars.' it's a video file taken from conan o'brien where said dog goes to the episode 2 premiere. absolute comedy gold.